I Knew This Was Coming.

My mom has always been very competitive with me. She always had to be smaller then me and always made sure I knew it. She always had a habit of sabotaging my weight loss efforts by bringing junk "for the kids". When I'd ask her not to bring it, she'd say, "It's not for you, just don't eat it". Yeah right.
One time, I joined a gym, went every day, had to walk 5 blocks to take a bus with a baby in a stroller, but I was dedicated. After a short while, my mom decided to join so we could go together. She would pick me up and drive me. Slowly she'd stop coming and I was use to getting a ride, that I stopped going. The list goes on and on of the little ways she sabotaged me.
Another time I was enjoying some measure of success, and we were out for a walk. She turned to me and said.. and I quote "You'll never be smaller then me. Never." And she was right, until I had my surgery.
It wasn't long after I really started losing, that my mom decided she too was going to have surgery. I was worried she was doing it for the wrong reasons. I believe she did it so she could be smaller then me yet again. She needs bigger people around her to make her feel good about herself. If someone is worse, she can't be that bad.
My mom is now 6 months out, and has already lost over 100lbs. She looks great and is following her program very well. I'm very proud of her and her success.

But, I knew this was coming...

The other day, my mom asked me what weight I was down to. Like a fool, I told her. She wiggled 2 fingers and made a face like " na na nanana," She's 2 lbs away from my weight. I said that's great. But she kept it up, so I asked her if she was being competitive, and if she thought this was some kind of competition. She said a little competition never hurt. I told her to me this wasn't a game to win or loss. She said ... in a whiny voice... "I know, but it makes me feel good". I said. It makes you feel good to rub it in my face? It may make you feel good, but me, not so much. I said, she's always been smaller then me, and does she have to make it a point to get smaller then me again? Is that all it's about to her?
I know I sound petty, I know it's immature, and I know I sound jealous, but I've just had about all I can take. I'm not jealous at all. I'm happy for her, I really am. I'm just sick of the treatment.
When Dan found out she was having the surgery, he was concerned that I'd give in and gain my weight back. The good old sabotage factor again. And over the summer, I did gain. He thought... this is it. I've got a handle on things again, and there's no way I'm gaining that weight back!
In fact, when my mom said all that, I thought... screw you... I'm gonna kick your ass.
I'm going to work my butt off and beat her at her own game. I, however, will not gloat. I will not tell her another thing about my weight, my food, my plan. I will just lose it and she can just go feel better about herself some other way. I will not be put down so she can feel good. I am going to work my butt off and take myself out of that equation all together. I am removing myself from that bulls eye.

After rereading what I just wrote above, I can see it doesn't sound like she really did that much, but believe me when I tell you, it was malicious. She really did have every intention making her success look so much better then mine so she can be the more successful one. She really intended to make me feel bad about what I have accomplished, because she has done "better" then me. She had every intention to hurt me to make herself feel better. I have no doubt about it. It's hard to put into words, someones tone of voice and body language to clearly get the point across, so believe me, she was not just being happy and excited for her own success. I would gladly share in that with her.

So, maybe she was right, a little competition just might be good, but she'll never know.... from my end, that this is what it is. They say the best revenge is living well, and that's just what I'm going to do.