Six Week Vacation..... Of Hard Work.

Dan left yesterday for six weeks to go to school. Today is day one of my vacation but it's going to be a lot of work. Lately I've been eating everything in sight and have gained some weight. I've decided to use these six weeks to lose the weight and tone up. I haven't been to the gym in a few weeks, and before that I was only going once a week. Reilly begins his exams this week and school will soon be over. Both kids have summer memberships to the gym so we will be going hard core. We should get a good four weeks in before Dan comes home. This morning I weighed in at 195.5 so I'm hoping to lose 20 lbs before his return.

New Goal Weight

Well, I`ve decided to change my goal weight. I think I`m going to stick with 170. If I get lower, that`s great.
Way back when, when I saw the plastic surgeon (at 190lbs) He told me then that if I had all my surgeries done today I`d be at my goal of 160. Which means I`d have 30lbs of fat and skin removed from my body. So, if I got down to 160 and lost 30 lbs of skin, I think 130 would be way to small for me. Now, since I`ve lost a good deal of weight since that consultation, perhaps I wouldn`t lose 30 lbs with surgery anymore, maybe 15 or 20, but still, I think 170 is a good pre-surgery goal weight. For me, at my height, to be considered normal weight, I`d have to be 159.5 or under. I don`t think this weight is achievable for me without skin removal, and I think to make that my goal would be just like beating my head against a brick wall and I`d get pretty depressed about it.
When I reach 170, if the weight keeps dropping, so be it, but I will be where I want to be.

Breakthrough.

Today is the day I have finally broke past my lowest weight. It has been so long, but finally I've lost all my re-gain weight.
I've now hit 176 lbs.

Doing Very Well And Proud Of It.

A couple of weeks ago I went to a Vietnamese restaurant, and and Pad Thai and chicken. It was fabulous, and it must have agreed with me, because my weight was down after having it 2 days in a row. That was the beginning of a good weight loss run.
Today I'm 177.5. A mere 1 lb away from my lowest weight. I am very focused to get below that darned 176.5. I know I can do it.
I've struggled since the cruise in March, and have had quite the time getting the 10+ pounds off, not to mention the added pounds from the summer.
I'm feeling great now. It's hard to imagine how much 10 lbs shows now. Everyone is commenting on my weight loss.
My mom has yet to see me. I'm seeing her tomorrow, so I wonder what she'll say.

I've also noticed my appetite is much smaller. I do get hungry, but a couple of bites and I'm good to go for hours. I still try to get my protein in. Mostly I eat a high protein bar to supplement when needed. I much prefer those to a shake, but will have one when absolutely needed.

I'm getting ready for Christmas. Besides the usual shopping and decorating, I'm planning out my menu ahead of time so it can be WLS friendly. So far I'm planning on turkey and stuffing made with pork sausage. I'll probably only have 1 tbs of that. I'm planning on mashed turnip and carrots, broccoli, and corn. A Scoobie Doo salad which is like a macaroni with veggies, and a regular house salad. The veggies will all be made without butter or salt. The can be added to taste later, which I don't add any. Desert will be pie and ice cream. I'll buy a sugar free pie for mom and I.
I'll probably also bake some cookies in case we have guests over the holidays.

Dec. 20th I'm going to bottle our wine that we ordered. I plan to have a glass with Christmas dinner, and again on the day we get together with my brother Dave and his family. No other alcohol is needed.... until New Years Eve.

I think I have a pretty good handle on things right now. It seems to be coming pretty naturally since I'm not "dieting", which is perfect. I never want to diet again. I just want to continue with life and not love and fear food. Gee, I can easily compare food to an abusive spouse. Love em and fear em.

I'm also getting ready for our cruise. We leave for Detroit (at least I think we're flying out of Detroit) on Jan 14th, and flying to Fort Lauderdale on the 15th. We board the ship on the 17 for a 10 day cruise to the Caribbean. Since I gaining that weight over the summer, and feeling like my summer shorts were getting to small, I'm very conscious of my weight. I can't be going with my shorts to tight and gaining on the cruise too. That would be very bad.
As it is, I have a sneaky suspicion I'll have some sort of weight gain... everyone does, but I've got a strategy to minimize the damage. I plan to eat very small portions and keep a protein bar with me in case I get hungry at odd times. At our seated dinner, I plan to immediately cut everything in half and eat only that. I also don't want to even look at a desert menu. I know I'll be drinking on the ship, and I imagine that is where most of my weight will come from. Since the drinking will once again stop once back home, I'm hoping the weight will be temporary and not such a struggle to get off as the last time.

I Knew This Was Coming.

My mom has always been very competitive with me. She always had to be smaller then me and always made sure I knew it. She always had a habit of sabotaging my weight loss efforts by bringing junk "for the kids". When I'd ask her not to bring it, she'd say, "It's not for you, just don't eat it". Yeah right.
One time, I joined a gym, went every day, had to walk 5 blocks to take a bus with a baby in a stroller, but I was dedicated. After a short while, my mom decided to join so we could go together. She would pick me up and drive me. Slowly she'd stop coming and I was use to getting a ride, that I stopped going. The list goes on and on of the little ways she sabotaged me.
Another time I was enjoying some measure of success, and we were out for a walk. She turned to me and said.. and I quote "You'll never be smaller then me. Never." And she was right, until I had my surgery.
It wasn't long after I really started losing, that my mom decided she too was going to have surgery. I was worried she was doing it for the wrong reasons. I believe she did it so she could be smaller then me yet again. She needs bigger people around her to make her feel good about herself. If someone is worse, she can't be that bad.
My mom is now 6 months out, and has already lost over 100lbs. She looks great and is following her program very well. I'm very proud of her and her success.

But, I knew this was coming...

The other day, my mom asked me what weight I was down to. Like a fool, I told her. She wiggled 2 fingers and made a face like " na na nanana," She's 2 lbs away from my weight. I said that's great. But she kept it up, so I asked her if she was being competitive, and if she thought this was some kind of competition. She said a little competition never hurt. I told her to me this wasn't a game to win or loss. She said ... in a whiny voice... "I know, but it makes me feel good". I said. It makes you feel good to rub it in my face? It may make you feel good, but me, not so much. I said, she's always been smaller then me, and does she have to make it a point to get smaller then me again? Is that all it's about to her?
I know I sound petty, I know it's immature, and I know I sound jealous, but I've just had about all I can take. I'm not jealous at all. I'm happy for her, I really am. I'm just sick of the treatment.
When Dan found out she was having the surgery, he was concerned that I'd give in and gain my weight back. The good old sabotage factor again. And over the summer, I did gain. He thought... this is it. I've got a handle on things again, and there's no way I'm gaining that weight back!
In fact, when my mom said all that, I thought... screw you... I'm gonna kick your ass.
I'm going to work my butt off and beat her at her own game. I, however, will not gloat. I will not tell her another thing about my weight, my food, my plan. I will just lose it and she can just go feel better about herself some other way. I will not be put down so she can feel good. I am going to work my butt off and take myself out of that equation all together. I am removing myself from that bulls eye.

After rereading what I just wrote above, I can see it doesn't sound like she really did that much, but believe me when I tell you, it was malicious. She really did have every intention making her success look so much better then mine so she can be the more successful one. She really intended to make me feel bad about what I have accomplished, because she has done "better" then me. She had every intention to hurt me to make herself feel better. I have no doubt about it. It's hard to put into words, someones tone of voice and body language to clearly get the point across, so believe me, she was not just being happy and excited for her own success. I would gladly share in that with her.

So, maybe she was right, a little competition just might be good, but she'll never know.... from my end, that this is what it is. They say the best revenge is living well, and that's just what I'm going to do.

SMALL?????

Yesterday I had the opportunity to do a little shopping. I bought a cute vest and decided to buy a top to go with it. I tried the Large which was to big.... yeah me. I then went to try the medium, but they didn't have the color I wanted, so I grabbed a different one, and I decided to grab the color I wanted in a small... just for shits and giggles.
Once in the dressing room, I went strait for the small. To my shock and amazement, the small fit perfectly!
Now I know it was only a fluke, but I'm proud to be wearing a top with a tag that says SM.

Success Comes In Small Steps

Just a quick update. I'm down to 182.5 this morning.
I've now lost 10 lbs of my weight gain.
I went from my clothes being to tight and my belly and hips sticking out, to feeling trim again. Ten pounds did that.
I'm now in a small challenge with a friend to lose 10 lbs by Christmas. I've just lost 1 of those 10. I can only imagine how I'll feel with yet another 10lbs off. The last 10 made such a difference, and these next 10 will just be incredible. That would bring me to my lowest weight yet.
Pushing on.
Food is great. Protein is on the mark, I'm taking my vitamins everyday, but water still needs improvement.