New Goal Weight

Well, I`ve decided to change my goal weight. I think I`m going to stick with 170. If I get lower, that`s great.
Way back when, when I saw the plastic surgeon (at 190lbs) He told me then that if I had all my surgeries done today I`d be at my goal of 160. Which means I`d have 30lbs of fat and skin removed from my body. So, if I got down to 160 and lost 30 lbs of skin, I think 130 would be way to small for me. Now, since I`ve lost a good deal of weight since that consultation, perhaps I wouldn`t lose 30 lbs with surgery anymore, maybe 15 or 20, but still, I think 170 is a good pre-surgery goal weight. For me, at my height, to be considered normal weight, I`d have to be 159.5 or under. I don`t think this weight is achievable for me without skin removal, and I think to make that my goal would be just like beating my head against a brick wall and I`d get pretty depressed about it.
When I reach 170, if the weight keeps dropping, so be it, but I will be where I want to be.

Breakthrough.

Today is the day I have finally broke past my lowest weight. It has been so long, but finally I've lost all my re-gain weight.
I've now hit 176 lbs.

Doing Very Well And Proud Of It.

A couple of weeks ago I went to a Vietnamese restaurant, and and Pad Thai and chicken. It was fabulous, and it must have agreed with me, because my weight was down after having it 2 days in a row. That was the beginning of a good weight loss run.
Today I'm 177.5. A mere 1 lb away from my lowest weight. I am very focused to get below that darned 176.5. I know I can do it.
I've struggled since the cruise in March, and have had quite the time getting the 10+ pounds off, not to mention the added pounds from the summer.
I'm feeling great now. It's hard to imagine how much 10 lbs shows now. Everyone is commenting on my weight loss.
My mom has yet to see me. I'm seeing her tomorrow, so I wonder what she'll say.

I've also noticed my appetite is much smaller. I do get hungry, but a couple of bites and I'm good to go for hours. I still try to get my protein in. Mostly I eat a high protein bar to supplement when needed. I much prefer those to a shake, but will have one when absolutely needed.

I'm getting ready for Christmas. Besides the usual shopping and decorating, I'm planning out my menu ahead of time so it can be WLS friendly. So far I'm planning on turkey and stuffing made with pork sausage. I'll probably only have 1 tbs of that. I'm planning on mashed turnip and carrots, broccoli, and corn. A Scoobie Doo salad which is like a macaroni with veggies, and a regular house salad. The veggies will all be made without butter or salt. The can be added to taste later, which I don't add any. Desert will be pie and ice cream. I'll buy a sugar free pie for mom and I.
I'll probably also bake some cookies in case we have guests over the holidays.

Dec. 20th I'm going to bottle our wine that we ordered. I plan to have a glass with Christmas dinner, and again on the day we get together with my brother Dave and his family. No other alcohol is needed.... until New Years Eve.

I think I have a pretty good handle on things right now. It seems to be coming pretty naturally since I'm not "dieting", which is perfect. I never want to diet again. I just want to continue with life and not love and fear food. Gee, I can easily compare food to an abusive spouse. Love em and fear em.

I'm also getting ready for our cruise. We leave for Detroit (at least I think we're flying out of Detroit) on Jan 14th, and flying to Fort Lauderdale on the 15th. We board the ship on the 17 for a 10 day cruise to the Caribbean. Since I gaining that weight over the summer, and feeling like my summer shorts were getting to small, I'm very conscious of my weight. I can't be going with my shorts to tight and gaining on the cruise too. That would be very bad.
As it is, I have a sneaky suspicion I'll have some sort of weight gain... everyone does, but I've got a strategy to minimize the damage. I plan to eat very small portions and keep a protein bar with me in case I get hungry at odd times. At our seated dinner, I plan to immediately cut everything in half and eat only that. I also don't want to even look at a desert menu. I know I'll be drinking on the ship, and I imagine that is where most of my weight will come from. Since the drinking will once again stop once back home, I'm hoping the weight will be temporary and not such a struggle to get off as the last time.

I Knew This Was Coming.

My mom has always been very competitive with me. She always had to be smaller then me and always made sure I knew it. She always had a habit of sabotaging my weight loss efforts by bringing junk "for the kids". When I'd ask her not to bring it, she'd say, "It's not for you, just don't eat it". Yeah right.
One time, I joined a gym, went every day, had to walk 5 blocks to take a bus with a baby in a stroller, but I was dedicated. After a short while, my mom decided to join so we could go together. She would pick me up and drive me. Slowly she'd stop coming and I was use to getting a ride, that I stopped going. The list goes on and on of the little ways she sabotaged me.
Another time I was enjoying some measure of success, and we were out for a walk. She turned to me and said.. and I quote "You'll never be smaller then me. Never." And she was right, until I had my surgery.
It wasn't long after I really started losing, that my mom decided she too was going to have surgery. I was worried she was doing it for the wrong reasons. I believe she did it so she could be smaller then me yet again. She needs bigger people around her to make her feel good about herself. If someone is worse, she can't be that bad.
My mom is now 6 months out, and has already lost over 100lbs. She looks great and is following her program very well. I'm very proud of her and her success.

But, I knew this was coming...

The other day, my mom asked me what weight I was down to. Like a fool, I told her. She wiggled 2 fingers and made a face like " na na nanana," She's 2 lbs away from my weight. I said that's great. But she kept it up, so I asked her if she was being competitive, and if she thought this was some kind of competition. She said a little competition never hurt. I told her to me this wasn't a game to win or loss. She said ... in a whiny voice... "I know, but it makes me feel good". I said. It makes you feel good to rub it in my face? It may make you feel good, but me, not so much. I said, she's always been smaller then me, and does she have to make it a point to get smaller then me again? Is that all it's about to her?
I know I sound petty, I know it's immature, and I know I sound jealous, but I've just had about all I can take. I'm not jealous at all. I'm happy for her, I really am. I'm just sick of the treatment.
When Dan found out she was having the surgery, he was concerned that I'd give in and gain my weight back. The good old sabotage factor again. And over the summer, I did gain. He thought... this is it. I've got a handle on things again, and there's no way I'm gaining that weight back!
In fact, when my mom said all that, I thought... screw you... I'm gonna kick your ass.
I'm going to work my butt off and beat her at her own game. I, however, will not gloat. I will not tell her another thing about my weight, my food, my plan. I will just lose it and she can just go feel better about herself some other way. I will not be put down so she can feel good. I am going to work my butt off and take myself out of that equation all together. I am removing myself from that bulls eye.

After rereading what I just wrote above, I can see it doesn't sound like she really did that much, but believe me when I tell you, it was malicious. She really did have every intention making her success look so much better then mine so she can be the more successful one. She really intended to make me feel bad about what I have accomplished, because she has done "better" then me. She had every intention to hurt me to make herself feel better. I have no doubt about it. It's hard to put into words, someones tone of voice and body language to clearly get the point across, so believe me, she was not just being happy and excited for her own success. I would gladly share in that with her.

So, maybe she was right, a little competition just might be good, but she'll never know.... from my end, that this is what it is. They say the best revenge is living well, and that's just what I'm going to do.

SMALL?????

Yesterday I had the opportunity to do a little shopping. I bought a cute vest and decided to buy a top to go with it. I tried the Large which was to big.... yeah me. I then went to try the medium, but they didn't have the color I wanted, so I grabbed a different one, and I decided to grab the color I wanted in a small... just for shits and giggles.
Once in the dressing room, I went strait for the small. To my shock and amazement, the small fit perfectly!
Now I know it was only a fluke, but I'm proud to be wearing a top with a tag that says SM.

Success Comes In Small Steps

Just a quick update. I'm down to 182.5 this morning.
I've now lost 10 lbs of my weight gain.
I went from my clothes being to tight and my belly and hips sticking out, to feeling trim again. Ten pounds did that.
I'm now in a small challenge with a friend to lose 10 lbs by Christmas. I've just lost 1 of those 10. I can only imagine how I'll feel with yet another 10lbs off. The last 10 made such a difference, and these next 10 will just be incredible. That would bring me to my lowest weight yet.
Pushing on.
Food is great. Protein is on the mark, I'm taking my vitamins everyday, but water still needs improvement.

Rewards Are Good.

I know I've only been re-focused for a short time, but since I've lost a total of 9 lbs, I felt I deserved a little reward.
Two days ago I bought myself 2 pairs of jeans, and again yesterday, another 2 pairs. I feel thin again. I think I look good in the jeans, and they make me feel good about myself.
I know I'm not at my "pre- weight gain" weight of 176.5, but I'm well on my way. Today I'm at 183.5. Another .5 gone.
My food is very good. I'm eating no more then 6oz per meal. (Mostly 5oz). I'm meeting my protein requirements, and for the most part, staying away from carbs like bread and pasta. I'm eating more fruits and veggies then before. I've taken my vitamins everyday, which is something I was never good at.
Exercise is still a problem, but I've decided that whether or not I go to the gym, I can still exercise at home. I really want to work my butt and legs, and today I seen some great exercises on tv that I'll start doing routinely. Add that to the other exercises I can do at home, and I can have a nice workout. I still want to go to the gym, but on those days I can't.... now I can.

Off to the gym.

I'll soon be leaving to do my laundry at the laundromat, then I'm hitting the gym. I was really looking forward to going Monday, but because of my bruised foot, I couldn't go. Today will be my fist day.

Two nights ago, I asked Dan if he noticed me getting smaller again. (since he noticed me getting bigger). He said no, I still have a big butt. Although I appreciate his honesty, it hurt because I feel like I've slimmed down again.
Yesterday my SIL said "looks like you've lost weight". Mind you she said it looked like it in my shoulders and face, but it's a start.

Weight today is still 184.

Happy Camper

Yesterday was a bit challenging in it's own way.
I ate well, and counted my protein, but I was way over. I'm guessing that's not a good thing. I really need to stick to 70g.
Later on, I was craving something sweet, and we have a box of chocolate bars hidden away. I wanted one in the worst way, but I didn't cave. Instead I had dill pickle rice chips. They were a little high in fat, but they killed my craving and I didn't eat chocolate so in the long run, they were fine.

So, today I'm a happy camper because I'm down to 184. Haven't seen that number in some time. I'm happy because I'm seeing the results of my effort, but I have to get it through my head that it's not the scale that counts. This is a new lifestyle and whether or not I see the scale move is irrelevant. This is just how it has to be everyday, no matter what.

I took all my vitamins again yesterday. All except my iron. Since I can't take it with the rest, I forget it. Will do better today.

I was disappointed yesterday because I attempted to go to the gym, and quickly found out there was no way I could work out. The day before I dropped a bottle on the top of my foot. I had no idea it was bruised until I but my running shoes on. I tried walking around to see if I could manage it, but it was a no go. I'm taking today off to. Hopefully tomorrow I'll be able to go. I'm looking forward to getting fit.

Things Are Going Well.

I am starting to feel like my old self again. I'm really feeling good about my food and am excited to hit the gym tomorrow.
My weight was up this morning at 186.5, but I'm sure drinking 4 cups of tea till 1am and being up early this morning might have something to do with it. Regardless of the weight loss, today I feel thin. For the first time in months I can look myself in the mirror and like what I see. The inches must be coming off.
I know I'm not at the weight I want to be at, or at the weight I was at, but it really isn't about weight. I really need to eat this way ANYWAY. That's what I signed on for.
I'm also proud of myself for taking my vitamins for 3 days in a row. I know that doesn't sound like much, but it really is huge. I've also weighed all my food, and have been concentrating on protein.... fish in particular.
Tomorrow I'm starting the gym aspect of my new life. Everything just needs to be routine. Just another part of my usual day. I really am looking forward to it.
Tomorrow night I'm also sitting in on a WLS chat. I think staying connected will help.

It's a Saturday, and I'm Feeling Pretty Good.

It may be raining outside today, but I'm looking forward to cleaning my house and making it a great productive day.
My weight is 185.5, and I've started off on the right foot. I took my vitamins already, something I always forget. I'm going to start making that part of my routine.
I bought myself some liquid Omega 3, and a green tea daily cleans. They both taste terrible, but it's only 1 and 2 tbs respectively a day.
Plans for today's food...
I think I'm going to start breakfast with 1 egg, 2oz yogurt, and 1 oz raspberries.
Lunch, 3oz shrimp with the cocktail sauce and 3" piece of cucumber... perhaps a fruit as well.
Dinner, 4oz fish. I will do the egg wash and bread crumbs. 2oz broccoli.
Snacks- protein shake, cottage cheese fluff, celery sticks with hummus.
Will probably have a bed time snack too. I'm thinking 2oz escargot with 1oz lite soy cheese.

I just discovered this new cheese. It tastes like cheddar, but it's soy. Has only 1g of fat/ oz and it's low in cals. Perfect for my needs.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to getting started on my house, and breakfast awaits.

5 Day Pouch Test- Day 5

Today is the last day of my pouch test. I think it's been a great success. My pouch feels nice and tight and even better, I'm weighing my food again. No more over eating. No more picking.
I'm drinking a lot more water and feeling really good about my plan.
Not only did the test kick start my pouch, but it kick started my hope, desire and determination to get to my goal.
Yes, it can be done, and I will do it.

Last week I was going through clothes I had stored. Got rid of a lots of things to big, and found some of my daughter's size 10 jeans. They don't look impossible. I'm a 14 now, and with my new focus, perhaps I'll get there. I'd rather hang on to a size 10 then a 16 or 18. I refuse to hold on to bigger clothes.

Monday I went to the gym and did anti-gravity yoga. It was ok. I don't think it was for me though. I must admit, my abs have been sore ever since. Didn't hit the gym the rest of the week, but I have a plan in place to start again Monday. I want this to be a regular routine. I just need to PUSH PUSH PUSH.

Today's weight was 185.5. I still have more to go to get back to the 176.5 I saw for one day on that scale, but I will get there. I'm hoping to be there for my 2 year anniversary Nov 10. That gives me almost 2 months to lose 9 pounds. Very do-able.

5 Day Pouch Test- Day 3

So, my eating got way out of control. All the old habits were back with a vengeance. Somehow I needed to stop it in it's tracks. I had already gained about 17 lbs. Way to much. My clothes were not fitting anymore, and I knew if I stayed on that path, I'd regain it all in no time.
So I decided to start the 5 day pouch test to get my pouch back in shape. The first 2 days were hell since all I could eat was liquids.
Today, I'm able to eat canned tuna and eggs. Definitely feel the pouch has shrunk. Doesn't take as much to fill me up as it use to.
My weight today is 188.5. It's still up there, but it's coming down.
I will make it.
I've also decided to become more active with my online support group. I feel this is going to be the key to keeping me honest and motivated.

Motivated is the right word. When I decided to have this surgery, I was very motivated. I was my own advocate and I was determined. Post op, the same thing. Somewhere down the road I got complacent and took things for granted. That is not a possibility with this surgery. It is only a tool and if you stop using it, it doesn't keep working on it's own. Although I knew that, I didn't really accept that. Now I do.

I'm going to work hard each and every day for the rest of my life, but I don't have to think about that today. Today I just have to work hard right now, and tomorrow is another day.

I have set a new mini goal.
By Nov 10, 2010, I want to be back down to 176.5. That's where I stopped my weight loss. That gives me almost 2 months. Very do-able.
By Jan 15, I'd like to be very near my new goal of 160. Also very do-able I think.

18 Months Out.

Life is plugging along.
I'm doing much better controlling my bad habits.
I'm still up 2.5 lbs, but I'm feeling confident that will be off soon and hopefully it'll take a few extras with them.

Having Trouble.

Ever since our Caribbean cruise in March, I've been struggling with my food. I'm eating way to much sugar, and my portions size is way out of whack. I find myself eating more and more junk and craving it all the time.
I had reached a low weight of 176.5, and now I'm up to 185. I can't afford the weight gain, both physically and mentally.

What to do?

I've decided a daily blog my be of some help. I know I need to write down my food and weigh and measure everything I eat. I need to get back to basics. The trouble is this reminds me of the good old days of dieting which scares the hell out of me.

Once upon a time these were my new lifestyle changes and now it seems like diet struggles.

Today I started this gloomy day with a bowl of ice cream. How insane is that?
My next meal will be a Lean Cuisine. Not sure about dinner, but I will weigh and measure it so I don't over eat.

I think the free for all eating on the cruise brought out the old habits, and like they say, old habits are hard to break.

I want to go back to the gym, but at this time it's nearly impossible. We just got a new puppy and he's still to young to be left alone. I'm hoping in the next few weeks I'll feel comfortable to leave him with Kayla our older dog.

XL Is To Big!

Tonight I went shopping because I needed a few dresses. I grabbed 3 to try on. Two of them were XL and one was a L since they didn't have it in XL. I tried on the first dress, and it was too big so I tried the large. To my amazement, it fit. I found the other dresses in the new size and completed yet another successful shopping trip.

I'll be needing the dresses because we're going away for March break. We'll be taking a Caribbean cruise with 2 of the kids. The dinners are dressy casual and since I have nothing like that, I needed to go shopping.

Not sure of what types of excursions we'll be doing, but at 178 lbs, I feel confident I'll be able to handle anything we do.

My Life Has Changed So Much in The Past 14 Months.

Yep, It's been just over 14 months since I underwent life changing gastric bypass surgery.
I know it's the best thing I've ever done for myself.

So far I've lost a staggering 153lbs, and I'm in a size 13/14 and have a pair of 12s on standby. I have lost countless inches and I'm just 20lbs away from my goal.

I have skin issues, and have seen a plastic surgeon for a consultation. It's going to cost a fortune, but I can have all my procedures done in 2 surgeries. The first will be tummy tuck, arms, breast lift and augmentation, and the second will be lower body lift and thighs.

So, as I said, my life has changed so much. I can now do little things like cross my legs, run up and down the stairs without getting winded and shop like there's no tomorrow LOL.
I have been on a plane and not needed an extender, and I've gone on a roller coaster with no problem. I've even gone para sailing, can you imagine?

I think when I actually had the surgery, I never really imagined this weight loss to be a reality. I knew it would happen, but never believed it. Life is just so much better. Everything else about my life is the same, but my self esteem is way up which makes me happier, which in turn makes everyone else happier LOL.

I've had sooo many compliments from so many people. Everyone has been so supportive. I have found one or two people to be jealous of my success, including my mother.
Long ago, when I was losing weight, my mom told me that I'd never be smaller then her NEVER! and here I am, a lot smaller. I know it's killing her to see me small. I think it was always ok for her to be overweight as long as she wasn't as big as me. It sort of justified it in her head.

I've noticed lately, that my eating hasn't been quite the way is was just after surgery. I'm, working hard to get back to the basics... or my rules. I won't ever diet again, I just have rules to follow for a successful result to my surgery.
I haven't really gained anything. By saying not really, I mean I've gained 5 lbs here and there but have lost them right away. The reason is due to alcohol.
We went away to Jamaica, and drank, which put on the pounds. I had most of them off again when I landed in the hospital with a gallbladder attack. They kept me there 4 days and I had laproscopic surgery to remove the stones and the gallbladder, and was released on the fifth day.
I know it's a result of the rapid weight loss, but it was worth the price.

So, I continue to follow my rules, lose weight and inches and love life.
Life = to live, and I am!